The Speaking Wife

It's something we hear from our children habitually. 
We don't enjoy it.
We ask it frequently. (Most often TO our children. IE: WHY did you put the peanut butter sandwich in the DVD player?!)

We go through life questioning things. More often than not refusing to blindly accept another's opinion or instruction. 

This is good! Not much good comes from never asking questions. I mean you'll never catch me saying "No question is a stupid question!" Because, well, I've got kids. If you understand, you understand. If you don't, you just don't know what you're missing out on. 

Anyway. I digress.

I'm not discouraging questioning things. In fact while I was in the (painfully) slow process of creating this blog spot and getting my notes lined up for the most recent podcast a "To question or Not to question" war has broken out in my sphere of friends on social media. That almost made me not post the podcast or this blog installment because believe it or not it's become quite intense! But this is the message I've had on my heart for over a month now and I shall endeavor to get across my thoughts, that don't really line up with everyone else's, in a semi coherent way.

I'm here, waving the ask-questions flag because I feel like it's time to turn the inquisitiveness inward.

So many things we do and we don't even know why.
Our reactions and emotions, triggered and spewed. Never examined or queried, just habitual.

When you begin to uncover your motivations it can be extremely uncomfortable and a bit of a pride buster. Bringing your goals to light gives you the chance to make NEW goals. You are not a mindless drone that has to settle for whatever is motivating you right now. YOU get to choose and act on that choice.

Our reactions to those closest to us, and even random strangers, often are propelled by past hurts and unavoidable circumstances. This gives us a bit of an out-of-jail-free-card mentality. It's just "who I am". "Not my fault" and if they "really love me, my faults will just make me even more lovable".  Y'all, when I read stuff like that my eyes roll so hard I can see my 8th grade graduation.

We have got to get out of this crutch-seeking mentality and accept personal responsibility. 
I recently saw on a social media page "Trauma was not your fault but healing is your responsibility.". I wish I could find who originally penned this because it needs to be put on T-shirts, throw pillows, plaques, bumper stickers, billboards, every. where.

We all have legitimate hurts. Real, crushing stories that can not just be swept under the rug. We can't just "shake it off" or "rub some dirt on it". We can't even just "pray about it". I will always be the last one to minimize past hurts and trauma. 

So what am I trying to say? 

We can't stop there. Acknowledgment is not enough. Once you have identified an issue it is your job to tackle it. 
Look, I want the people responsible for hurting me to own up to it. I want them to say they're sorry. To admit what they've done and give me some "closure". But then what? If you've ever been lucky enough to have someone actually say they're sorry you'll know that instead of everything magically being better you still had to make a choice. A choice to forgive and move forward. So since we know that, most likely, we aren't going to get an apology for every wrong that's been done, we have to make a choice.

Recognizing unhealthy behavior in yourself is the first step in truly living your best life. Blaming it on others and refusing to do the work to change cripples you and puts you back into a stunted place.

Start asking yourself W.H.Y.

W. Why am I responding this way? What do I hope to accomplish?
H. How is this going to affect those around me. My spouse, children, family?
Y. Am I yielding to self or Christ in this moment?

Then be willing to do something about it. 
The only person you can control is you. The only person you can change is you. 
So YOU do what YOU deserve and stop settling for less than your best!